


Eyes on Me

by SilverPurity



Category: Final Fantasy VIII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Childhood Memories, Eventual Romance, Existential Crisis, F/M, Family Fluff, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, I just want Squall to be happy, I need more Laguna Loire in my life, I'll add more tags as i go, I'm making this up as I go, Laguna is a Nobody, Laguna is the World's Best Dad, Sorceress Rinoa, Squinoa - Freeform, Storytelling, Why Did I Write This?, lot more angst than intended, mentioned Laguna/Raine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-03 19:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16331957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverPurity/pseuds/SilverPurity
Summary: An old photo album raises some questions about what exactly happened to Leon during the fall of Radiant Garden ten years ago that turned him into the man they know now. Sora, Donald, and Goofy learn about the past of a close friend and come to realize that love knows no bounds, even the borders between worlds and nonexistence.Cross-posted from Fanfiction.net





	1. Chapter 1

"Wow! Look at all this stuff!"

Sora felt his eyes widen at all the salvaged materials and items that laid before him. With most of the Heartless gone in the Battle of the 1000 Heartless, the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee was able to go into areas previously inaccessible to them. As the team traveled through the desecrated homes and parks, Sora finally saw just how much destruction and loss the people of Radiant Garden had endured. He was able to understand why Leon and the gang seemed so down when they passed by the remains of their lost childhood. Yuffie and Aerith might've been able to put on a smile and told him not to worry about it, but Leon had become even more distant than Sora ever remembered him being. As much as he wanted to ask his friend if he was alright, Cid and Merlin had advised him to leave Leon alone to sort out his thoughts. The two men told him that, out of everyone in the Committee, Leon had suffered the most when Radiant Garden fell to Maleficent. It opened up old scars that Leon believed to have healed long ago.

Sora let out a sigh as he took hold of a hefty album. He watched as Donald and Goofy sorted through the objects, blowing off collected dust and brushing away ash that still clung to books and picture frames. So many unknown faces lost to the darkness. So many places where families had lived their lives in peace and prosperity. He shook his head, trying to shoo away the depressing thoughts. By going through these artifacts, he was honoring those lost lives. The committee was making sure these items were returned to the proper families that had survived. If no next of kin was available, they would be held in a museum as a reminder of what Radiant Garden had been; a testament that the Committee was trying to restore it to something even better than it once was.

Sora turned over the album, wiping away the grime that clung to it. The old brown leather was frayed at the ends, a stitched name sewn into the front cover. It read "Loire". Curious, Sora decided to open the tome. He was greeted with yellowing pages and plastic covers holding photos. They showed a man with long black hair lovingly embracing a woman as she held a baby in her arms. The photo next to it showed the man nuzzling his face into the baby's cheek, the child looking quite annoyed from the contact. Sora let out a laugh at the silly expressions, getting Donald and Goofy's attention in the process.

"Whatcha got there, Sora?" Goofy asked curiously.

"It's a photo album," Sora answered as flipped over another page. "This family looks so happy…"

"Lemme see!" Donald quacked, eager to take a peek.

Sora placed the book on the table for his two companions to see. The more photos he saw, the more Sora noticed the lack of the woman he first saw. Sorrow touched his heart when he realized that it was likely the woman died at some point after she had her child. But despite that, the man in the photos looked so cheery as he spent time with his son. The three saw the progression of time through the pictures as the baby grew into a toddler and then to a kid.

Goofy hummed to himself. "Is it just me or does this li'l feller look familiar?"

"Whaddya mean, Goofy?" Donald questioned him.

"I think it's just you," replied Sora. "I've never met anyone named 'Loire'. Have you?"

Both the knight and the wizard shook their heads. Sora shrugged as Donald took a bunch of pages and flipped them over, skipping a large portion of the father and son's life. They were close to the end of the album. But the moment they spotted the last photo taken, all three of them gaped and let out a startled cry.

The picture showed the black-haired man giving a surprise hug to two individuals from behind. One was a dark-haired girl wearing a blue sleeveless duster sweater, her eyes bulging in shock from the unexpected contact. The other was a teen clad in black leather, a distinct scar running across his face and his expression was one of complete annoyance and frustration. They knew that face all too well.

"LEON!?"

"This album must belong to Leon's family!" Goofy declared. "We oughta return it to him."

"Should we though?" Sora hesitantly wondered. "Remember what Merlin and Cid said?"

"I don't think it'd be right to keep it from him," Donald added. "It's family, after all. I know I'd want to keep it."

"Keep what?"

Donald let out a loud squawk as he jumped a good five feet into the air. He landed in Goofy's arms, knocking both of them to the ground. Sora cringed as the two landed on the floor with a loud crash. Sheepishly, he looked over to the front door. Leon stood there, looking bewildered as his eyes darted between Donald and Goofy on the ground to the book Sora held in his hands.

"From the looks of things, I suppose you three found something interesting?"

Sora chuckled nervously. "You could say that."

"Ah-hyuck! Yeah!" Goofy responded from underneath Donald's tail feathers. "Actually, we found your dad!"

Leon visibly stiffened and Sora instantly felt chills travel down his spine at the dark look on his friend's face. "Explain."

"Ya see…" Sora unsurely began as he held out the photo album to Leon. "I was working on getting it cleaned off so Aerith could work on restoring it later, but I got curious and opened it up. We didn't know it belonged to your family. I'm sorry for snooping."

Leon let out a tense sigh as he took hold of the old tome, gently tracing the name stitched into the cover. There was regret and sorrow hiding in the depths of Leon's eyes and Sora instantly felt bad for bringing up painful memories for the gunblade user. Goofy and Donald had untangled themselves by this point and joined Sora's side.

"You don't realize how precious someone is until they're gone…" Leon muttered to himself.

"Leon, you gonna be okay? We're here for you if want to talk about it."

Leon shook his head. "It's none of your concern. Don't worry about it."

Sora didn't believe him for a second. Even as Leon left the building with the album in hand, Sora knew that he wasn't going to let this mystery go. If there was one thing Sora prided himself on, it was that he would do everything in his power to help one of his friends. Leon looked like he was dealing with some sort of internal conflict or perhaps guilt for whatever happened ten years ago. Sora vowed that he was going to get to the bottom of things and he was going to make sure that Leon had no reason to feel bad about what happened in the past. That meant he'd have to do a little digging about whoever Leon's father was and what exactly happened in Leon's life that made him who he was today.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I don't think I can let this go and leave him to brood," he told his two companions. "It looks like he's really torn up about whatever happened to his dad."

"What do you have in mind, Sora?" asked Goofy.

"I don't think Leon is willing to talk about it, so I'm gonna go ask Merlin. If anyone remembers the previous Radiant Garden and its inhabitants, he's our best bet. What do you say, guys? Want to join me?"

"Count me in!" cheered Donald and Goofy.

* * *

 

"Man, time flies…"

He stared up at the clear blue sky, watching as fluffy clouds gently moved with the wind. It had been ten years since the fall of Radiant Garden. Had they really been wandering around for that long? All those years, searching for remnants of a life they once lived. Were those fragments even still around? He had asked himself that numerous times throughout those long days of teleporting, asking, and hoping against all odds that they'd run into someone they knew. With a shake of his head, he sat up as he propped an arm on his knee.

How low had he fallen? There was once a time when he was able to smile the days away without a single care in the world; when he was able to look on the bright side of things, always able to see a light at the end of the darkness that threatened to consume everything. But that light was gone, as was everything else that made him who he was.

All that was left was his memories and the void where his heart once was.

When Radiant Garden was swarmed by the dark creatures called Heartless, the evil sorceress Maleficent had taken away everything he had. His home, his family, his very life; all wretched from his grip and forever placed beyond his reach.

"Sir Laguna? Are you alright?"

Emerald eyes drifted over to his sole companion. She was the only one he managed to find, not to mention the only one who still held onto enough hope for the both of them since he was incapable of feeling it. She plopped down right next to him, a bright smile lighting up her delicately beautiful features. She slapped him on the back a few times, strong enough to shove him forward over his knees. He let out a startled yelp—not a true one, but he remembered how it felt—before pouting at her.

"Smile, dang it!" she told him, giving him a sassy look. "You look like a kicked puppy when you're thinking too hard. It doesn't suit you at all. Where's that happy-go-lucky dork I've been traveling with all this time?"

"Rinoa," he began hesitantly. "Answer me honestly. Do you really think I can still…live my life with the way I am now?"

"You're living right now just fine. What brought this up all of a sudden?"

"No. I mean  _live_  live. I'm physically alive, but I can't feel anything anymore. I've tried and tried, all these years, to feel some sort of emotion.  _Anything_ , really. But there's nothing there. It's like everything I do is faked, you know? And I don't like it one bit."

Rinoa squeezed his shoulder in a comforting way. "Are you thinking that he won't accept you as you are if we find him?"

"Rinoa, I've been dreaming of seeing my son again for over ten years now and I always imagined it'd be a heartfelt reunion in its own Squall-ish sort of way 'cause he was never one for openly showing emotions. But…I can't feel joy, sadness, anger, or even love anymore. I wanted that moment to be genuine, but it'll only end up as empty as I am."

Rinoa growled under her breath as rage flared through her veins, fingers digging into soil. "I swear If I ever see that DiZ guy again, I'm gonna give him a  _good_  reason to hide his face under those bandages. If we had never met that guy, you wouldn't even be saying this kind of stuff."

"But—"

"DiZ said you became a Nobody: a being that was never supposed to exist. So what? Just because you lost your heart from  _doing your job_ —due to circumstances out of your control, mind you—it doesn't make you less of a person. You're not an 'it'. You are a protector, a father, and one of the kindest souls I've ever met. Heart or no heart, you're still the same Laguna Loire and no sunburned mummy in a dress should convince you otherwise."

"Sunburned mummy?" Laguna repeated, traces of a smile forming on his face. "Rinoa, I know you're right and all, but that's not who I'm really concerned about."

"Laguna, stop being so melodramatic. You're his  _dad_. I remember you two doing everything together before he got all 'whatever' in middle school. I bet you he'll be overjoyed to see you."

"And if he isn't?"

Rinoa raised her hand, as if making a vow. "If Squall doesn't hug you the moment he sees you or at least acknowledge your existence, then I'm gonna dish out ten years worth of slaps upside his head. And maybe use a Blizzard spell to freeze his gunblade to his—"

Laguna let out a loud laugh. "You're ruthless, you know that?"

"When it came to Squall, I had to be," she replied with a smirk. "You never were as far as I remember and he ended up walking all over you."

"Yeah, I'll admit I wasn't the best parent when it came to discipline, but at least he grew up safe and happy for a time. That was his mother's last wish, after all. I just hope he's still alright."

Rinoa stayed silent, hooking her hands around her legs. She looked up at the sky, wondering which world Squall had ended up on after Radiant Garden fell. If he was still alive and well, would he remember her when they met again? Would he still remember the promise they made to each other on that fateful day? Her thumb brushed over the metal band on her ring finger. She traced over the lion engraving, having memorized every little detail on the ring. Griever, he had called it.

_Keep it for luck, but promise you'll return it._

He wanted her to live. That's why he gave her one of his most prized possessions before going off to fight the endless waves of Heartless that swarmed their world. It was a gift from his late mother, a matching item to the silver necklace he always wore. A symbol of pride and courage; aspects she hoped she had obtained after all this time. She had every intention of returning the ring to its rightful owner.

She also had every intention of revealing her true feelings to him. They had been together for three years before Maleficent's dark agenda tore them apart. As a teenager, she had been unsure of her own emotions and afraid of how Squall would've reacted to the confession. He never was good with expressing himself, much less dealing with someone else's emotions. But she was twenty-six now; a mature woman in search of her lost love, learning a little more about herself and the worlds out there with each new experience. Even if he didn't feel the same, she hoped they could still be friends just like they had always been since their childhood.

The sound of creatures being summoned brought Rinoa out of her musings. She eyed the two lesser Nobodies as they strode towards them. Laguna practically launched to his feet, a grin on his face and a spark of excitement in his emerald eyes. Rinoa couldn't help but smile. Despite his worries that he had become the unfeeling monster DiZ said he was, there were times when she saw genuine bouts of emotion in his eyes. They were minor—almost insignificant and difficult to notice to the untrained eye—but it was in those moments that she believed Laguna could still be saved. She had faith that there was a chance the man could regain his lost heart.

"Hey Kiros! Ward, my man! Long time, no see!" he greeted the two Dusks. "Got anything new for me?"

The creatures, however creepy they appeared to be, were the only other companions the two wanderers had during their worldwide search. Laguna had saved them—for even without his heart, he couldn't find it in himself to abandon someone in trouble—from being obliterated by a horde of Heartless and the two had followed the man ever since. Rinoa wasn't quite sure why, but she assumed it was due to the fact that Nobodies still had some sense of self compared to the Heartless, who merely acted on instinct. Perhaps it was their way of showing gratitude or maybe it had something to do with rank since Laguna himself was a Nobody. Whatever the case was, the two Nobodies were another resource for gathering information about other worlds. They were able to travel through the dark corridors connecting the worlds without any detriment to their being.

Laguna placed a finger to his chin and nodded as the Dusks communicated to him. How he was able to understand them without them actually talking was a marvel. His eyes soon widened, a frown deepening on his face as the Dusks seemed to shrink under his gaze.

"Somebody tried to destroy you?" he asked in disbelief. "Keyblade? Chosen Wielder of the Light? Organization XIII traitor? Huh-whaaaaaaaat…?"

Rinoa stood up, going over to the confused Laguna. "Is something wrong?"

Laguna scratched the back of his head a bit before running both hands through his hair. "I am so lost! What happened to Organizations I through XII? And since when did keys become deadly weapons?"

"Sounds like they were probably made by the same person who thought combining a gun and a sword was a good idea."

"They were really reaching for the pie with this one."

"Sky."

"Right. That's what I meant. Thanks."

"So, someone is out there destroying Nobodies? Why? As far as I've seen, they haven't done too much harm to the worlds we've been to, unlike the Heartless."

"I don't know but, whatever the case may be, it ain't good news for me. I better watch my tootsies so I don't end up on this guy's hitlist. What'd you say his name was?" The Dusks jerked around a bit. Laguna paled. "Sora? And he's just a kid? Now I'm doomed for sure! I can't fight a kid! It's against Radiant Garden Royal Guard policy!"

"I could always hit him for you."

"I can't ask a lady to fight a man's battle!"

Rinoa's fists clenched as a sickly-sweet smile spread on her face, causing Laguna to fear for his continued existence. "Are you implying that I can't fight? Or that I'm weak?"

"N-no! That's not what I meant at all!" Laguna shouted, waving his hands in a panic as his leg began to cramp up. "You're really strong! The strongest sorceress I know! I just meant I don't want you getting hurt because of me!"

"Laguna, you cry at the drop of a hat, your leg cramps up every time you get nervous, and you're too trusting for your own good. I can take care of myself. It's you I'm worried about. If you were to be eliminated, I'd never forgive myself."

Laguna began laughing as he knelt down to massage his leg. "Guess I'm lucky I have such a tireless guardian looking after me."

Rinoa giggled. "Well, you protected me all these years as I tried to gain control of my powers. I want to do what I can to repay the kindness you've shown me."

"Rinoa, just knowing that you still see  _me_  is more than enough. I just hope Squall shares that same view if we ever find him."

"Don't worry. We'll find him. I know it."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goofy is secretly the smart one.
> 
> Um…I did this on a whim because I’ve been playing Final Fantasy VIII for the first time and realized that I love Squall sooooooooo much and I want nothing but happiness for him? And Laguna would’ve been the World’s Best Dad if he knew about Squall? I wanted that, but I’m not finished with the game yet. So, I thought why not do it through the game that first introduced me to Squall and Final Fantasy in general? I have no idea where my muse is going with this. I’m just along for the ride since I literally haven’t written anything in months. Updates may or may not happen depending on how much people like this.


	2. Chapter 2

The plan was simple: find Merlin, Merlin would tell him what they wanted to know, then they’d be on their merry way and could start working on a plan to cheer Leon up. Needless to say, it didn’t go exactly how Sora thought it would.

“Could you repeat that, my boy? Start at the beginning.”

“Alright,” Sora began. “Long story short, we found a photo album among the items we salvaged from the areas that were previously overrun by the Heartless. It turned out that the album belonged to Leon’s family and when he found out he sorta…closed himself off, more so than normal. We know he’s been edgy and distant over the past few days, but we don’t really know why. We were hoping you could tell us more about it.”

“We want to know who Loire is,” Donald interjected, getting straight to the point.

Merlin stroked his beard, looking confused. “I beg your pardon?”

“The title,” Goofy added, hoping the info would help the wizard. “It was on the cover of the album.”

“Loire…Loire…Where have I heard that name?” Merlin muttered to himself for a few minutes. Suddenly, his eyes twinkled brightly. “Ah, yes! Now I remember! It’s been far too long since I’ve heard that name. Brings back memories.”

“You know who it is?”

“Loire does not refer to a single person, but a family,” Merlin corrected. “To be more precise, ‘Loire’ is actually Leon’s true last name.”

“What!? Really!?” exclaimed Donald.

“Yes. You three are aware that Leon is not his real name either, correct?” the old wizard continued. The three hesitated. Sora scratched his cheek while Donald and Goofy looked embarrassed. Merlin chuckled at their reactions. “I do not blame you if you forgot. It’s not exactly common knowledge, even to the current residents of Hollow Bastion. Although, everyone can admit that Leon Leonhart is a bit repetitive.”

Sora let out a laugh. “Can’t argue with that. Anyway, I think I remember Yuffie calling him ‘Squall’ a few times. Is that his real name?”

“Yes. Squall Loire. Born to Laguna Loire and Raine Leonhart,” Merlin answered, letting out a sad sigh. “In all my years, never have I seen a couple more in love with one another. Both were marvelous people. Such a shame what happened to those kind souls.”

“What happened?”

“Sora, I don’t believe it’s a story I have the right to truly share. Even if you’re doing this to slake your curiosity as well as to help Leon, I am telling you now that there is not a happy ending to all of this. You are well aware of the kind of destruction the Heartless wreak upon the worlds, but you have not seen the emotional damage the inhabitants suffer from after the loss of loved ones to the darkness. You cannot simply wave your Keyblade around to fix this problem. This is years upon years of self-induced hatred and guilt you are attempting to remove from Leon’s conscience. Can you handle that responsibility without causing further emotional harm to your friend?”

Sora was silent as he took in the wise sage’s words. With determination, the Keyblade user placed a hand over his heart. “I know I can’t help everyone. I realized that a long time ago. But…that won’t stop me from trying. Leon is our friend and I can’t stand to see him so down just when things are really looking up for Hollow Bastion. I want to learn about his past if there’s a chance that I can use that knowledge to help him overcome whatever it is he’s going through. He’s not alone and I want to make sure he knows that. I swear, on my honor as a Keyblade Master, I won’t tell anyone about any of this.”

“Very well then. I shall tell you what I know,” Merlin smiled. “At the gravest of moments, you show a wisdom beyond your years. I’m proud of you, my boy.”

“If only he could apply that wisdom to every other thing that comes out of his mouth,” Donald quipped in response.

The spiky-headed hero pouted at his friend. “HEY! That was a low blow, Donald!”

“Settle down, you two, and take a seat. I’ll prepare some tea. This might take a while.”

As the three heroes took a seat down at the table, watching as Merlin waved his magic wand to make the pots dance and move around. Water formed from nowhere, instantly heating to a piping hot temperature the moment it hit the kettle. Tea bags were added to the cups and the water was soon added to them, plopping down in front of Sora, Donald, and Goofy. Goofy was the first to take his cup, carefully sipping the beverage. Merlin sat down across from them, seemingly lost in thought.

“Where to begin? I suppose at the beginning?” he convinced himself. “As I mentioned before, Leon—Squall—is the only son of Laguna and Raine. From the gossip I heard, the story was that the two had met completely by accident, but fell madly in love with each other over the course of six months. They were wed not long after that and lived a very happy life. When Leon was born, it was a joyous celebration for a time. But then…”

Donald was literally on the edge of his seat, acting very much like an eager child to hear what happened next. “Then what?”

“Raine died,” was the answer. Merlin sadly stared into his teacup. “I remember that it rained that day, almost as if the sky itself was crying for her loss. Now, Laguna was—for a lack of a better word—a goofball. He supposedly never took anything seriously and thought more with his gut than his head. Without Raine to be his anchor to reality, many assumed that Laguna was not qualified to take care of an infant by himself. On top of that, he had no other family members to support him financially or otherwise. Right from the moment he lost Raine, Laguna risked losing his son as well.”

“So what happened? Did…did Leon get taken away?”

“Well, Laguna did what any desperate man in his situation would do: he proved everyone wrong.”

Goofy let out a sigh of relief. “So there’s a happy ending to this after all!”

“Yes, at least for this part of the tale,” confirmed Merlin. “He pulled himself up by his own bootstraps and somehow managed to take care of a child while juggling several part-time jobs at a time. But by no means was it easy on Laguna. I cannot tell you how many stamina potions that man asked me to make for him over the course of ten years. Not to mention the times he fainted from sheer exhaustion and Ellone had to come to me—”

“Ellone?” wondered Donald.

“Oh, right. I haven’t mentioned her yet, have I? Ellone was Leon’s caretaker for a large part of his early childhood while Laguna worked. If I recall correctly, I believe she’s still alive and well here in Hollow Bastion. Leon visits her from time to time.”

“She’s still here?” asked Sora. “What about Mr. Laguna? Does he live around here too?

Merlin’s expression darkened. “I’m afraid not. It is here we delve into the issue we have at hand. You understand now that Leon never knew his mother, which left Laguna and Ellone as the only semblance of family he had ever known. It’s only natural he would form close bonds with the two of them. But as you grow up, you become more independent and take things for granted in the process. You say things you shouldn’t when in a rage, even when you don’t truly mean them.”

Sora rubbed the edge of his cup with his thumbs, hoping the sinking feeling in his stomach turned out to be wrong. “…What happened?”

“I’m not certain. I only heard it secondhand from my pupil at the time, who happened to be a childhood friend of Leon’s. I know not what it was about, but the two got into an argument that ended with Leon storming off after saying some particularly harsh words to Laguna. That was shortly before Maleficent and the Heartless stormed Radiant Garden. We were forced from our homes and many of us found ourselves in Traverse Town. Some, however, never made it and those are the ones that remain missing to this day. Laguna was among those who never returned. You understand what that means, don’t you?”

“…Yeah,” was Sora’s solemn answer. “They were lost to the darkness.”

“Gawrsh…” Goofy twiddled his thumbs together. “Are you saying that Leon’s agonizing over that fight they had?”

“I would surmise that would be part of the reason. His inability to protect his world and the ones most important to him is what led Leon to drop his real name in an effort to distance himself from his past. The name ‘Loire’ reminds him too much of the father he loved so much and the immense guilt for having failed him as both a son and a decent human being. Leon may have moved on and accepted the fact that he’ll never see his father again, but it is his memories that haunt him nowadays. If he is to ever recover completely, he needs to find closure; to accept reality for what it is. The past cannot be changed, no matter how much one dwells upon it.”

“I feel like a I need a hug,” Donald muttered while Goofy began thinking. “How can we possibly help with something like that?”

“…I don’t know,” Sora morosely replied. “It’s not like we can turn back time. But I’ll think of something…I hope.”

“Merlin, sir, I have a question,” said Goofy as he raised his hand. “Was Mr. Leon’s Dad a strong-hearted person?”

Merlin chuckled, while Sora and Donald both looked quizzically at their friend. “Oh yes—and a very animated man he was. He could light up an entire room with his honest demeanor and he never backed down from what he believed in. Looking back on it now, I firmly believe he possessed a very strong light in his heart. But why ask such a question, Goofy? Did you have something in mind?”

“Welp, from the sounds of things, a lotta people got turned into Heartless when Maleficent came to town. We know now that when someone with a strong will loses their heart and becomes a Heartless, a Nobody gets created too,” Goofy explained. “If Mr. Leon’s Dad lost his heart, then wouldn’t his Nobody be out there somewhere?”

“In theory, yes. I suppose so.”

“So it got me thinkin’. While we’re lookin’ for Riku and Kairi, what if we look for that Nobody while we travel the worlds? It can’t hurt to try. If we happen to find it, then maybe Leon can make up with his dad and get that closure you were talkin’ about.”

Sora and Donald gaped at the knight and his profound deduction.

“Or make things worse,” responded Merlin. “Even if you somehow manage to find it, learning that Laguna was living as a Nobody for the past ten years would probably not grant Leon peace of mind. I know that boy too well. He’ll end up blaming himself for dooming his father to a state of nonexistence.”

“Not to mention that Nobodies are our enemies!” Sora worriedly added. “He could be part of Organization XIII for all we know!”

Goofy shrunk into himself. “Gawrsh, I hadn’t thought of that…”

“It _was_ a nice thought,” Donald stated. “But we gotta remember that Nobodies have no hearts. We can’t let them cause further harm to the worlds. If he’s working with the Organization, then we’ll have no choice but to fight him.”

“I know, but still…”

Sora sighed as he shook his head. “I don’t like it either, Goofy. All we can do is hope for the best, I guess.”

“That he’s still nice?”

“Well, yes. I hope he’s still nice too. But if the worst happens, I _really_ don’t want to have to explain to Leon that we had to end his dad’s existence.”

* * *

 

“ACHOOO!”

Laguna sniffed, rubbing his nose. The sneeze came out of nowhere and the resulting noise echoed across town, which garnered several startled stares from the residents. Rinoa gave him a curious look and he sheepishly scratched the back of his head out of embarrassment.

“Excuse you,” Rinoa replied with a giggle, turning back to the store counter. “Sneeze louder next time. I don’t think they heard you on the other side of Twilight Town.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault!” Laguna retorted. “Someone must be talkin’ about me somewhere.”

“Riiiight,” the sorceress drawled, playfully rolling her eyes as she bought a couple of sea-salt ice cream bars from the kind saleswoman. “Since when were you allergic to gossip?”

“Since now, Miss Heartilly,” Laguna snatched the other ice cram bar out of her hand. He winked at her, ruffling her hair. “By the way, if you get a stick that says ‘winner’, your next ice cream bar is free!”

“Why’d you ask for sea-salt flavor? It doesn’t exactly sound appetizing.”

“Trust me! Everyone in this town loves it! If you don’t, you get your money back!”

“I suppose you would know more than me,” Rinoa softly said as they both started walking aimlessly around the Tram Common. “So, this is the place? This town is where you found yourself after…?”

“Yep. And what a doozy that was, waking up in a completely different world.” He took a bite of his ice cream. “I had no idea what had happened. I wasn’t even aware of myself until a good week later when all the memories finally came back to me.”

Rinoa paused in her step. “Memories? What do you mean you by that? Are you saying you forgot who you were?”

Laguna stayed silent, as if contemplating whether if he should reveal more information or not. He nodded his head in a seemingly random direction, walking ahead of her. Rinoa followed, wondering where it was he was leading her. They passed by trolley tracks and buildings until they found a large hole in a wall, leading to a densely forested area. Rinoa looked around, noticing the distinct lack of wildlife. She briefly wondered why that was. Was it because of the bustling town next door? Animals tended to shy away from humans, but she doubted any of the residents frequented the forest. Someone or something was scaring them off, but she had little clue as to what.

Twilight streamed through an opening in the trees as the foliage became less dense. Rinoa had to cover her mouth as a large, though decrepit, mansion came into view. The stone walls had moss growing in the cracks between bricks and the gate itself had rusted quite a bit. A large lock laid useless on the ground and Laguna seemed to take interest in that.

“Someone was here recently…” Laguna muttered under his breath, looking quite serious.

“Is something the matter?” Rinoa curiously asked.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

“Sir Laguna, why did you take me here? Is this place important to you?”

“I wanted to put everything into perspective, I guess? This place is where I first woke up as a Nobody. Right on the grass in front of this ol’ house, ten years ago.” Laguna licked his ice cream while Rinoa leaned against the wall and waited for him to continue. “As part of Master Ansem’s Royal Guard, it was my duty to protect the people of Radiant Garden. I stood my ground against those creatures, though I didn’t know it was going to be futile at the time. I truly believed I was going to see to Squall and Elle at the end of the day after everything was over. We’d eat dinner, Elle would worry over my well-being, and Squall would call me an idiot because of something I did or said. I honestly thought that we’d always be together as a family…”

“You two had a falling-out that day. I remember Squall was furious, but he wouldn’t tell me what upset him so much. I never got around to finding out because of the Heartless. Could you…?”

Laguna let out a hollow laugh and Rinoa involuntarily shivered at the unnatural sound. “You want to know? Looking back, it was over something so stupid. Just a normal father-son spat about safety. The Heartless had been appearing even before Maleficent showed up—the head honcho suspected it had something to do with unethical experiments in the castle—but we needed to keep it hush-hush so as not to cause mass hysteria. Squall was going off and doing his own investigating when he heard about the mysterious disappearances caused by the Heartless. Those things were no joke and I just didn’t want him getting hurt because he was doing something reckless. I didn’t raise him just to watch him die before me. Raine would’ve never forgiven me. ‘But I’m not a child anymore’, Squall said. ‘I can take care of myself’, he said. ‘I don’t need you anymore’, he said. Well, he got his wish in the end. Ironic, am I right?”

Rinoa bit her lip. “Sir Laguna? You don’t…hate Squall for that, do you?”

“I’m a Nobody, remember? I can’t hate or be bitter, even if I wanted to. Even as a whole being, I don’t think I had it in me to loathe my own son. The memories I have of what happened; they’re tinged with sorrow and disappointment, but not hatred.”

“I see. That’s a relief.”

“When the Heartless finally got to me, it was like every negative emotion burst forth from the deepest recesses of my heart. First, it was rage, grief, and guilt; then all of my doubts and fears passed through my mind. Those fleeting thoughts and feelings were all I was left with before the darkness consumed me.” He clutched the front of his shirt, right where his heart was supposed to be. “When I came to, I had no recollection of what had happened or who I was. All that remained was a void that threatened to swallow me whole. It needed to be filled, but I didn’t know what I needed to fill it with. I wanted to find what was missing and that was the only thing that spurred me to continue on existing in that first week before my memories returned to me. It’s an all-consuming desire and I still feel it to this day.”

“Although, sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened to me if I didn’t act out on that yearning to find my lost heart. Would I have become a Nobody like Kiros and Ward? Or would I have simply faded back into the black abyss that took my heart from me in the first place? And what about now? Why am I here if I wasn’t supposed to exist? Even if I do happen to see Squall again and learn that he’s alive and safe, what comes after that? He’d be your age, Rinoa. He doesn’t need half of a father, just like he didn’t need a complete one. What do I live for then? Do I fade back into nothing or—?”

A body crashed into his back as arms tightly wrapped around his torso, startling him out of his musings. He felt two wet spots quickly form on his back, prompting him to turn his head to look at his companion. Teary chocolate orbs looked up at his emerald ones. Fingers dug into his blue jacket, trying to convey a sense of comfort.

“Stop,” whispered Rinoa. “Don’t say things like that so casually, Laguna. Whenever you do, it feels like a little more of your original self is lost; like you’re drifting further away from me. I don’t want you to fall into darkness again.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry. Honest!” Laguna remorsefully frowned as Rinoa clutched him even tighter. He turned around in her grip, returning the hug. “Aw, gee. Me and my big mouth.”

“It’s alright. I don’t blame you if those are your true thoughts. I can’t imagine what it’s like to not be able to feel emotions for ten years. It’s enough to make someone lose their way and their sense of self. The only thing that’s keeping you going is your dream. But even when that dream comes true, I want you to continue believing in yourself. If not for Squall, then for me and Ellone. We both hold you close to our hearts, so that means you can’t go and disappear on us. Got that?”

“Don’t worry. I got it.”

“Good. Now stop being so depressing!” Rinoa placed her hand on her hip, pointing an accusing finger at Laguna. “You know what? Now I know where Squall got it from! It’s all _your_ fault!”

“I-I didn’t intend it to be! It just came out that way!”

“I’m calling you out on your baloney, Laguna Loire! You can’t weasel your way out of this one!”

Both ice cream bars laid forgotten on the ground, melting from the fading sunlight in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm still a horrid writer and there was a lot more angst in this than I originally intended. There will be fluff eventually, I promise! Laguna is not intentionally trying to be depressing. He just doesn't realize he is because of his lack of emotions and being out of touch with them for 10 years.


End file.
